{Previously written.}
I was that girl today. That creepy neighbor who sits in her basement, snuggled up in her husband's hoodie and her grandma-style slippers, and peeks over the ledge and between the blinds to watch the neighbors through the window. (Sorry, Dave!)
I watched as our good friend, Dave, pushed his little boy on the swing in their backyard. His son, who's 2 years old, squealed with delight as his Daddy launched him higher and higher with each dramatic push. Then Dave started a new game. In this version, he pushed his son high up into the air and then ran around the corner of the house. To the 2 year old, it looked like his dad disappeared; he giggled and shrieked and clapped his hands so loudly that I could hear him all the way across the yard and through the basement window. Dave listened and watched his son from his hideout, then reappeared just a few seconds later - in time to give another big push on the swing. From the smiles and sounds, it was obvious that both father and son were loving this game.
Watching through my window, my mind immediately went to Eli and how it will likely be a long time before we can play a game like this with him. In order for a child to enjoy a hide-and-seek type game like this one, the child has to be able to trust. He has to know that just because he can't see the object (in this case: Daddy), it doesn't mean that it's gone forever. He has to know that things can leave without disappearing and can come back without being changed. In order to know these things, the child has to have experienced them.
Have you heard about attachment and bonding issues in adopted children? Perhaps it's only a hot topic for families who are in the midst of this crazy journey, but it has been all over my radar lately. I've been reading and researching the topic(s) like a mad-woman...and I'd like to share some of my findings with you.
As part of Eli's "village," I want you to know how Tim and I are preparing ourselves for his arrival into our home and our community. You have been such an incredibly important part of our journey thus far, and I don't want to leave you in the dark now. I want you to have a basic overview of our plans for fostering healthy attachment and bonding within our little family so that you understand and don't feel offended if some of our decisions somehow {directly or indirectly} impact you.
For the next couple months {and the next 20+ years}, we are going to be working hard to heal our son's little heart. That will be our first priority. Elias will be like a typical toddler in many ways, but he will also be like an infant in many others. Our goal is to always act according to HIS needs, even when it's counter-intuitive. We did not enter this adoption lightly, and we're not entering into parenthood that way either.
Anyway, instead of yammering on with all of my thoughts, I'm going to point you in the direction of some more experienced mamas {who are also, lucky for you, much more eloquent!} Obviously we do not agree with every word that these women have written, and our experiences will look similar in some ways and very different in others, but these posts have been helpful to us and they are a good place to start.
Quick & easy-to-read posts that explain the basics:
What is Attachment and Why Are {We} So Worried About It?
What is Cocooning and Why Are {We} Doing It?
One family's plan for cocooning:
Our Plan
From an adoptive mama to two little girls, most recently a 2 year old from Haiti:
Cocooning: Part I
Cocooning: Part II
Cocooning Conclusion
From another adoptive mama to two littles:
Adopting? What I Wish I had Known.
One mama's reflections and evaluation after cocooning:
True Confessions
A witty look at what an adoptive family needs before/during/after their child's homecoming:
How to Be the Village.
If you find all of this as fascinating as we do or have any questions about this will look like for us/you when we bring Elias home, shoot me an email. I would love to chat!
Thanks for supporting us as we enter the final stretch...which is really just the beginning!
I was that girl today. That creepy neighbor who sits in her basement, snuggled up in her husband's hoodie and her grandma-style slippers, and peeks over the ledge and between the blinds to watch the neighbors through the window. (Sorry, Dave!)
I watched as our good friend, Dave, pushed his little boy on the swing in their backyard. His son, who's 2 years old, squealed with delight as his Daddy launched him higher and higher with each dramatic push. Then Dave started a new game. In this version, he pushed his son high up into the air and then ran around the corner of the house. To the 2 year old, it looked like his dad disappeared; he giggled and shrieked and clapped his hands so loudly that I could hear him all the way across the yard and through the basement window. Dave listened and watched his son from his hideout, then reappeared just a few seconds later - in time to give another big push on the swing. From the smiles and sounds, it was obvious that both father and son were loving this game.
Watching through my window, my mind immediately went to Eli and how it will likely be a long time before we can play a game like this with him. In order for a child to enjoy a hide-and-seek type game like this one, the child has to be able to trust. He has to know that just because he can't see the object (in this case: Daddy), it doesn't mean that it's gone forever. He has to know that things can leave without disappearing and can come back without being changed. In order to know these things, the child has to have experienced them.
Have you heard about attachment and bonding issues in adopted children? Perhaps it's only a hot topic for families who are in the midst of this crazy journey, but it has been all over my radar lately. I've been reading and researching the topic(s) like a mad-woman...and I'd like to share some of my findings with you.
As part of Eli's "village," I want you to know how Tim and I are preparing ourselves for his arrival into our home and our community. You have been such an incredibly important part of our journey thus far, and I don't want to leave you in the dark now. I want you to have a basic overview of our plans for fostering healthy attachment and bonding within our little family so that you understand and don't feel offended if some of our decisions somehow {directly or indirectly} impact you.
For the next couple months {and the next 20+ years}, we are going to be working hard to heal our son's little heart. That will be our first priority. Elias will be like a typical toddler in many ways, but he will also be like an infant in many others. Our goal is to always act according to HIS needs, even when it's counter-intuitive. We did not enter this adoption lightly, and we're not entering into parenthood that way either.
Anyway, instead of yammering on with all of my thoughts, I'm going to point you in the direction of some more experienced mamas {who are also, lucky for you, much more eloquent!} Obviously we do not agree with every word that these women have written, and our experiences will look similar in some ways and very different in others, but these posts have been helpful to us and they are a good place to start.
Quick & easy-to-read posts that explain the basics:
What is Attachment and Why Are {We} So Worried About It?
What is Cocooning and Why Are {We} Doing It?
One family's plan for cocooning:
Our Plan
From an adoptive mama to two little girls, most recently a 2 year old from Haiti:
Cocooning: Part I
Cocooning: Part II
Cocooning Conclusion
From another adoptive mama to two littles:
Adopting? What I Wish I had Known.
One mama's reflections and evaluation after cocooning:
True Confessions
A witty look at what an adoptive family needs before/during/after their child's homecoming:
How to Be the Village.
If you find all of this as fascinating as we do or have any questions about this will look like for us/you when we bring Elias home, shoot me an email. I would love to chat!
Thanks for supporting us as we enter the final stretch...which is really just the beginning!