I felt this same sort of restless anxiety the first time that Tim and I sat in a dark, cramped meeting room with Eli's 16 year-old biological father, grandfather, and a host of government officials during our first trip to Ghana. Without reliving the scenario in too much detail, I can tell you that - while caught in the crossfire between angry Muslim men who were demanding "gifts" and money and shouting that we should just "let the boy die" - I heard God. When my teeth were clenched, my fists were balled, my heart was racing, and my entire body was drenched in a cold and and panicked sweat - God broke through and said, directly to my heart:
"It is finished."
God has already won this battle. He has known how this would end since before we even began. Somehow, right now, that thought alone can bring me peace.
God has already redeemed our son and placed him in a family. He has already moved mountains on behalf of the orphan and He has already broken the "healthy" with a burden for the hurting. What has already been accomplished in the courtroom - and even more importantly, on the cross - cannot be undone. This is God's victory, and who are we to doubt its completion?
If I were to follow the typical adoption timeline, it would be safe to assume that I could be in Ghana for the next 2-3 months. My hands shake even typing those numbers. My heart doesn't want to be in Ghana for the next 2-3 months. But I am finding comfort in the fact that God already knows that.
God has confirmed in our hearts that THIS is our son and we have complete confidence that His promises will not fail us now. So while this road may be long, difficult, filled with anxiety, and littered with unanswered questions -- I know in my heart that our God is bigger. He's bigger than the paperwork, bigger than the officials, bigger than the processes and protocols. And if we've learned anything throughout this process, it's that He will make a way for us in HIS timing. Please pray for our hearts as we trust and believe...