Since announcing our plans to adopt, we have received absolutely nothing but positive reactions, responses, and affirmations from family, friends, co-workers, community members, and complete strangers. Now, I’m not saying that we haven’t been blindsided by deep, probing, and ultra-personal questions from the peanut gallery or sassy remarks from some surprising sources along the way; but for the most part, we’ve felt supported, surrounded, and affirmed since day one. Our families, on the other hand and for whatever reason, have been the ones to get the bulk of the attacks and the accusations. (Good thing our momma’s are made of steel, amen?)
At any rate, please accept the words below as my brief (ha!) reflections and responses to the 3 most common questions that we’ve received thus far.
#1. Why Adopt?
People choose to adopt for all different reasons. People add adopted children to their families at all ages of life and in all stages of the birth order. Adopted kids can be the oldest, the youngest, the middle, or the only. People choose to adopt from all different places. Adopted kids can come from the same bloodline, the same city, the same race, or none of the above. In absolutely any case, we believe that adoption is an act of partnering with the redemptive work of Christ. It is an opportunity to show, in a tangible way, that who we once were is not who we have to be. It is an opportunity to demonstrate that, regardless of our past or our future, we are chosen, accepted, and worthy of mercy and of love by God and by man. Adoption allows an opportunity for us to extend hope and healing to a child who would otherwise go without both and we'd have to be crazy to not want to get in on that!
This is also the part in the response where I would love to flash the “Call” card for an easy out. I would love to succinctly explain how we feel that God called us, specifically and uniquely, to adopt. I would love to explain how we feel anointed and holy and divinely inspired by words that were revealed to us through miraculous signs and wonders...but I can't. I am about to burst some major spiritual bubbles here…but that just ain’t true. Friends, the truth is, God called YOU to be a part of this as well. So much of His story points us in this direction. Have you heard the verses where we’re told, quite clearly, this:
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. - James 1:27
and this.....
Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. - Psalms 82:3
and this…
And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. –Micah 6:8
You see, when people ask how we deciphered the “Call” to adopt like it was some mystical algorithm that we had to decode, more often than not, we look at each other, perplexed. We didn’t have to decipher anything. It’s right there in the Bible. We just decided to live into it.
#2 Why now?
Some couples choose adoption because of an inability to biologically create or carry a child. For us, that was not the case. Our decision to adopt was not born out of infertility. We have talked about adoption since early in our dating relationship and we have always hoped that it would be a part of the story we created together. As a young couple with careers that are not going to make us rich anytime soon, we may not have much -- but we have more than enough love to share and we’re willing and excited to share it.
We chose to adopt before having biological children not because that was important to us, but precisely because it wasn’t. This child is our child – the only one we’ve ever known. Period. End of Story. So when you, blue-haired and lip-lined visitor at church, tell me that you're "100% certain that the curse will be lifted” and we’ll get pregnant as soon as the adoption is final because “that’s just the way the good Lord works” (and your neighbor’s great-great granddaughter’s cousin adopted from China then miraculously conceived twins,) my only response to you is: don’t count your chickens, or my children, before they hatch.
#3 Why Ghana?
Many, many people have initiated a conversation by highlighting the need for adoptive families right here in our own backyard. They elaborate on the needs in the good old US-of-A and then verbally slaughter celebrities like Brangelina for smuggling children in from abroad and making it look sexy. The burning question they just can't wait to get out: “why don't you adopt domestically?” My answer: "why don’t you?"
Snarkiness aside, we believe that God uses different people in different ways and to meet different needs. For some families, the call to foster children is strong. For others, it's children with special needs. Yet others love children from South America, China, or Guatemala. The thing is: we're all children of God. And the God I believe in doesn’t recognize borders. God isn't worried about us "buying American.” He has precious souls all over the world (Zeeland included) that need our help and what He needs is believers who are willing to step up in whatever capacity they are able.
To us, the country didn’t matter. We entered into this open to domestic and international adoption and we pursued both equally. We never felt some divine tug-of-the-heartstrings toward the country of Ghana or even the continent of Africa. This has never been about a place. Similarly, it’s never been about adoption as a philosophy or opportunity for advocacy or any other convoluted assumption. This has never been about geography, sociology, or theology. It’s always been about a baby.
In closing:
Cherished friends, when you walk away from your computer screen (with a stiff back and crossed eyes – brevity has never been my strong suit!) I hope that my transparent thoughts have provided you with clarity in two areas:
1. For us, this is not plan B. Adoption is not something that we chose after we’d exhausted other options or analyzed other avenues. We didn’t “settle” during any part of this process. Since the moment that we first heard about the baby in the orphanage, we knew that he was meant to be our son. This is not plan B, it’s plan "E."
2. For all of us, this is a universal call. We both feel incredibly squeamish when anyone even so much as mutters the words “admirable” or “selfless” in regards to our adoption. We are neither. We are two young, often naïve, wandering, and hopeful believers who are desperately yearning to be a part of a greater story. We are attempting to walk in obedience and grace and we are failing more times than we are succeeding. Our trust is in the Lord and we would love nothing more than to see you put yours there, too.
Freely we’ve received, now freely to give…