Why does it cost so much to remove a child from poverty?
Why does it take so long to be "allowed" to give love and a family to someone who would otherwise go without both?
Why does our government take their sweet time processing paperwork while agencies keep collecting cash and turning selfless love into big business?
I know that these questions have answers. They're not simple, but they're there. And sometimes, they even make sense to me. Right now, however, I'm smack-dab-in-the-middle of a big ol' adoption headache, and I just need to vent.
Between the following:
* 6 trips to the MoneyGram counter in Wal-Mart (which is a cultural experience in and of itself) only to find out that "the system is down" and while we can send a text message to a middle-aged woman in a Ghanaian village, we can't send a check...
* the fact that we have visited with no fewer than 6 notaries in the past 3 days just to receive their silly little stamp and mandatory "blue ink only" signature on documents that cost us literally thousands of dollars to obtain...
* the hard-to-swallow news that even the most adoption-friendly employers don't necessarily support maternity leave for a child who is growing in your heart rather than your womb...
* the realization that our son is about to have his first birthday on the other side of the world with no knowledge of the family who is desperately in love with him already and is devoting all of their time, energy, and resources toward bringing him home...
I'm frustrated.
I'm frustrated that this is so long, hard, expensive, exhausting, emotional, overwhelming, scary...and necessary. When I finally pop a Motrin (or 3) and take a moment to reflect, the truth is, I'm more frustrated about the urgent need for adoption than I am about the steps that it takes to complete it.
Current estimates predict that there are between 147 and 210 million (MILLION!) orphans in the world. That number means nothing to me. I can't even wrap my mind around it. You probably can't either. But what I can grasp is the fact that my son is sitting in an orphanage (sufficient: yes, preferable: no) when he could be sitting in my lap. Meanwhile, there are literally millions of children just like him who would give anything to get off the street and into his spot in an orphanage; who would give even more for the chance to be rescued from loneliness and tragedy and welcomed into a loving home. Baby E has a family who loves him and is fighting for him already. Yet, there is nothing that we can do to get him home any faster.
Adoption sucks. It's born out of immense loss and pain and brokenness and abandonment. But love, grace, mercy, and redemption...those don't suck. Those are beautiful. They're difficult to understand, difficult to explain, and difficult to accept; but they're ours to give and to receive, through Christ. And that's why we're pressing on.
We entered into this knowing that some days would be harder than others. Today is just one of those days.